So now

Now I am in LA. I've been here since the 31st, when I left Manhattan and arrived at LAX with my precisely 100 pounds of checked luggage (and at least another 75 pounds in my sneaky 3 carry-ons).

What have I been doing so far? Applying for jobs (1 so far this week, another slated for tomorrow), jumping and straining around in the boyfriend's studio apartment with the boyfriend to the accompaniment of P90X workout tapes (today will be day 6), taking lots (well, some) of pictures of the studio and neighborhood (and playing with Instagram, obviously). I read an excellent book about love, set in New York, that I found in a free books pile at 3am. Networking is big on the list, and I'm making good progress. But it's hard to not feel aimless when you're a recent grad without a job.

While I was in New York, I often felt like all I really wanted was to be able to live in the same place as the boyfriend, live together, have a job and normal lives with each other in them every day. I still want that, and obviously staying at home in this studio alone all day doesn't really qualify as having a normal life-- what's missing is the job for me. The fulfillment of working for a cause. But since I've come back I've been very aware of just how HUMAN it is to always feel as though something else, and it is always something, and it doesn't matter what it is, is that missing puzzle piece. This doesn't mean I'm not happy now. It just means that I think it's a little sad that we always feel something is missing. When do we ever feel happy with our lives exactly the way they are? I feel like as soon as the boyfriend and I are living in the same place, AND we both have jobs, AND we're healthy and can pay our bills, and so can the people we care about, AND we can get a puppy, AND I can travel again...then I'll be happy with my life exactly the way it is. ...until then, what? (And when that does happen, will something else become the puzzle piece? Probably.) And why shouldn't I be completely happy with a short vacation here with him?...

Always feeling "only if..." is no way to live.

So now I am going to vacuum, and work on my resume, and finish laundry, and get myself through the 'hood to the grocery store. The pizza plan for tonight is out due to oven-non-working-ness, so we need another option. I'm thinking fish tacos.

One day

 There are 32 pictures in this post. They're mostly cutesy ones. I can get away with this today only.

I wonder how not being in a relationship would have changed my experience living here in New York. I can't really imagine it. I can't think of a single way that my relationship has negatively affected the experience. I can't think of a single way my relationship has negatively affected anything about me or my life. Which is the way it should be. This person is supposed to make your life better-- make the good things better, and the bad things easier. And I have someone who actually thinks my rambling is pleasant. And is pretty strict with me, actually, when I'm complaining, or being a wimp, or not doing what needs to be done. Or worrying. He even tells me what to do about this terrible grad-student insomnia.

He's got a natural togetherness that I love. I LOVE that he FOLDS ALL HIS LAUNDRY. (Seriously, I can't even believe that shit. ...and I love his response to my amazement at that: "What do you want me to do, throw everything in a pile?" Like it's no big deal that he folds everything so neatly. Seriously people, even like undershirts.) Anyway: Happy Valentine's Day!

He drinks margaritas with me

One of the best times we've spent together was this trip to Bakersfield for a conference I was speaking at last year.

Our trip to visit Tucson, before he moved there. 

because his nickname is hippo ...don't ask me, I didn't give it to him. 

BEARD!

My sister's wedding

ROW!

Ahh, this face.

I love how he braves crowds to see floats being blown up.

Central Park + a prime example of how having braces made me look less exuberant and more snooty in pictures. I mean who does she think she is??!

This is always how the ones I take come out.

Patagonia, AZ

Outside Patagonia

Oakland, CA

I just like this one of our feet.

Because this is my blog: My mom and my aunt Jean with baby Gus.

Summer of 2009. 

Valentine's Day, 2010. 

Okay. Now I'm going to a friend's house to watch The Notebook and drink gin.

Let's hear it for New York

If you haven't been moved yet today by something simple and beautiful, there's this video of kids singing to firefighters.

I just got back to my apartment from spending the weekend in Tucson where my boyfriend lives. The Manhattan skyline was glowing so brightly against a very hazy dark sky as my bus crossed over from Queens that I thought the columns of light had been re-instated at ground zero. (I found out just now that they were- no wonder, the entire city was haloed with light. It would have been amazing if it had been a clear night, although I guess it's fitting. Ten years ago tonight the city was covered in dust and mourning.)

It is strange- on September 11, 2001, I was a sophomore in high school in Sacramento. I remember finding out in the morning before school, and being at the gym that evening and seeing the footage played over and over so many times that I just had to leave. And now I'm living in New York and coming home on this day. So even though my heart is out West, for right now, this city is my city.

I spent a good (technically long, though it didn't seem that way) weekend in Arizona- saw the boyfriend's digs, met a few of his friends, ate Mexican food, went bar-hopping and was dumbfounded by the prices. Three dollar drinks in a club at 11 on a Saturday...I couldn't believe it. On Saturday we took a drive to the top of Mt. Lemmon, overlooking all of Tucson and dotted with my favorite kind of pit stops- Geology Vista Points!

So now it's back to working hard at making the most I possibly can out of my experience in New York, and since I'm trusting the process, then this semester that means economics, statistics, career development, and policy design and management. Except for next weekend, when I'll be back on the M60 to La Guardia and heading to Reno for my cousin's wedding. Life's about family. (Sustainability, peace...they're really just about family too.) Investing in something that will go somewhere- that's what makes you happy.

Road trips

Usually a successful road trip signals compatibility, right? What does a trip from Sacramento to Los Angeles to Phoenix to Tucson and back to LA in four days, where you don't get on each others nerves, mean?

It means you should travel together more. Be tougher and more patient than you think you can be. And stop for no reason.

Didn't a wise woman once say, 'While traveling the road to Tucson, don't forget to stop to smell the cacti'?

hello again

So keeping a blog is something i would like to do. I got myself this URL/blog name (which i like for weird/confusing reasons...it's a pun on an old Vanity Fair article about Kimora Lee Simmons, who i dont really like, as well as ironic because i do, in fact, always try to 'bare' my fabulosity) ...here we go.

This is me.

I really love that scarf. I paid something like 40 dollars for it at urban outfitters. That was at least three or four years ago and i still love it and wear it all the time.

Good for me.

Goal for future: post every picture i can find of me wearing that scarf. Won't you loooove that.

I love being in new places. Unanticipated and previously-never-thought-of places. This is what traveling is, but you can discover this in places that are very close to where you go every day- you just have to try, and not ever underestimate Earth. In this photo I am at Lake Isabella, northeast of Bakersfield (Armpitsville) CA. It was a beautiful day.

You know what has two thumbs and is also beautiful?

This guy.

He's pretty much the cutest, smartest, sweetest, funniest, patient-est, best guy for me ever.

I'm allowed to say that because we have been together a year and a half (not two minutes) and i still think that.

He likes to run around and go climbing, and i like that. He likes to listen, and i like to talk.

When he talks to people in his native language (Farsi aka Persian, he is from Iran) i like to listen. I used to feel like it was a little weird that my boyfriend's first language...the language that was in his head originally...was a different language than English, but now i think it's cool.

And i know how to say, Hi, How are you, I'm good, and Bye, in Farsi. (How inventive are anyone's conversations with their mom?)

This is my view every day from my office:

(well, in the fall, at least.)

My job has advantages and disadvantages, but most importantly, it has provided incredible opportunities to me. Because i work here, I can manage an office, plan and pull off big policy events, give 25 minute presentations, use a scanner, and i understand a good deal about how policies

are made. That's really good. I won't have to learn those things later, and I wont ever think those things are 'easy.'

When I stay late, this is my view:

My two bestest girl friends:

Alison and Xandi.

I have wondered before what i would be like - how different i would be- if i hadn't ALWAYS had some one to talk to. I definitely am the person i am because of that.

Okay, what else can i tell you that doesn't require me to upload and drag around any more photos?

I am moving to New York City in approximately two months to begin a Master's program at Columbia University. My sister Sarah gets married a week after the program starts!...that will be a crazy time.

Two (Not-So?) Secrets: I am always afraid i will mess up the whole getting-on getting-off the escalator thing. And i don't ever want to give up my ideals or settle.