The joyful job search

I've been thinking about this job search of mine - and although it's really only been 5 weeks since I graduated, and three weeks of full-time job searching, I feel very positive about it. I am going to try to keep this feeling as long as possible-- as long as it takes. (I started writing this post a week and a half ago, and feel it bottled up inside me!)

Yeah, I'm unemployed with lots of debt. But actually, this job search is the luckiest situation I've ever gotten myself into. I have literally been working to get to this point since I was in high school and decided I wanted to do something about climate change for my career. And now I'm actually allowed and permitted and qualified to go searching for that one place that is just right for me. I believe I can find a job making our biggest problems less bad, and there are many job postings, not stars, in my eyes. Being able to go after what you want is a blessing.

How can a job search be joyful?

• Reiterating my qualifications in endless permutations is actually a positive experience. In the process I become extremely convinced of my suitability for the particular position. It feels good. The job search is joyful because the marketer in me comes out and has fun selling the product.
  
• This positivity is ego-boosting because upon reflection I think that my situation is a result of choices and resolutions that I made. I am well-qualified for the jobs I actually want; I have a well-rounded skill set, and this is thanks to my own decisions. I passed the exam for a technical position (that I now have an interview for)-- because the only Master's program I considered taking was the one that was half science. I knew it would be necessary. I was thinking ahead. The job search is joyful because it is intrinsically validating.
  
• I am constantly thinking about the opportunities that other people gave to me. My dad had worked with someone at New America, so I got an interview. My mentors and colleagues at New America handed me golden opportunity after golden opportunity-- to write, research, give presentations, manage projects...The list stretches all the way back, and I could never thank everyone who helped me (and they are still going to bat for me) enough. So the job search is joyful because it makes me feel gratitude.

The most joyful part about this search will of course be the end of it. Because:

1. I'm not always able to stay so positive-- uncertainty and financial insecurity is fuel for fears at those moments when I'm alone in my car, burning CO2, or awake at night, or checking my balances, and 
2. The selection of temptations at Urban Outfitters is truly heartbreaking in the summertime.

Lo mejor está por venir.

That moment you've been waiting for

Or series of moments.

That's what the Dean of SIPA said when the speeches were over and the hundreds of graduates were next up to walk across the stage. This was last Thursday, more than a week ago already. I have been thinking of all kinds of things that I should write about graduating.

Walking across the stage was exciting. I guess it's not surprising- the rest of the whole graduation thing is pretty much taken in stride except that solitary stride-handshake-and-pose. The various speakers did say things that resonated with me and that I remember still: that we didn't attend this school because we want to get rich and famous. That we are trained problem solvers, policy analysts, and managers... if I look back at the reason I attended the program, I know that was the goal. 

I've been comparing this program to how I've heard childbirth is-- it's painful, but as soon as it's over you just think about what the result was, and the bad parts fade. It's worth it. But I don't think I'll have another baby.

After graduation, we went for a picnic in Central Park:

The last two weeks have been filled with fun and family and friends. And New York. I've been to museums and memorials:

9/11 memorial

WTC 1

South Street Seaport

The Cloisters

 and plays:

4000 Miles. (I also saw War Horse tonight by myself)

 and sat in the park...watched Netflix...and eaten oh so much food. 

What's next for me? I go to LA next Thursday when my lease here in NYC is up. The boyfriend has an internship there for the summer, so I'll be applying for jobs there...From New York to New Work. It's probably going to be a weird and challenging transition. I need to create more wildest dreams.

Climate change research at the Earth Institute...and me!

Jeff Sachs, Director of the Earth Institute, giving an introduction to the Research Showcase:

If you want to skip to my section, it starts at 8:38.

Dream=Reality

Just thought I would let you know

I just finished my Master's program. I am done!!! I just submitted my last final, with 20 minutes to spare. And I can say honestly that I've never felt anything like it. I can't believe it's over. Somehow it always felt like this is what I was going to do forever. It became almost my whole life...and it's over. The feeling of accomplishment and excitement is bubbling up finally, and it's preventing me from sitting here any longer. I have spent so much of my time on a computer....
AGH!

Is this the last post that I can tag "esp mpa"? Is it possible that this part of my life is completed? I mean, it is. I guess I'm in shock.

And now I am going out for margaritas.

Today is: Studying all day, inside the 6th floor of SIPA.

The balance of payments model, the open economy, the relative change in expected exchange rates.

Thai food delivery.

This song:

And this spreadsheet, which I built from scratch and am very proud of- I've created a metric for identifying beneficial energy efficiency measures, while staying under budget:

Champagne before noon

Yesterday, two of the most significant and valuable experiences of this program came to a successful end, and were recognized.

In the morning, my workshop team had its final client briefing. I put an enormous amount of work into managing this team project-- I never once said, screw it. I never once gave up, stopped caring, or said it didn't matter. I cared and did my best every day. I really did lead this team to an amazing conclusion, and it feels amazing. It's so worth it. We provided clear and practical environmental and policy advice to a private conservation group in Patagonia...It was one of the biggest reasons this program has been such an amazing and invaluable experience. I brought champagne and gave a pink-themed presentation to my team about their awesomeness, complete with statistics about the project (Deadlines missed: 0. Emails sent: 450. Incidents of unproductive animosity: 0. Fucks that were given: Innumerable.) Then we had a fabulous lunch.

In the afternoon, the Earth Institute had a showcase for the interns and researchers who got funding this year-- my internship was paid for by their fund. I kind of went into a dream vortex when Jeff Sachs gave the introduction to a set of interviews with students working on climate change...and I was one of them. It was like, "Is this real life?" They are going to post the videos online soon...

Then, I went to the dentist and got myself matched with the right shade of tooth...in just over a week, I'll meet my right anterior lateral incisor for the first time ever! (By the way, dental implants are as weird as they sound. They surgically insert a hollow piece of metal, let your gums heal, uncap it, and screw in another piece of metal with a crown on it....wish me luck, and 80% acknowledgement goes to Obamacare.)

In the evening, I had a call in which what had been a potential job offer fell through...but good things are still in the works for me...and not even that could make the day a bad one.

My team and I after the Final program workshop briefing this Wednesday:

The whole bunch:

It takes so long

To tell you everything. Especially when it has been so long since I've told you anything.

So instead of doing nothing, I can only tell you about the things that move me:

And this:

Also, tell everyone you know that I am "an energetic environmental professional with proven effectiveness in complex project management and policy analysis, and a developed specialty communicating information within the government, non-profit, and private sectors." I'm quoting my resume. I have been focusing on energy policy, energy efficiency, and renewable energy in this program, and I know enough about the technical side of things that I can understand engineers (not all the time) and I see myself working within and learning more about energy generation and distribution to identify the areas that need more policy support.

Because you know how Homer Simpson called beer "the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems"? Energy is the same. The way we use it is the source of the biggest problem to ever face humans, and it's also the way we'll solve that problem.

I'm available May 18th. Because I graduate May 17th. Holy moly!!

Who has time?

Not me.

But I wanted to give you an update. I miss giving you updates. Unsolicited Sharing!

I had my dental implant surgery last Friday. I was asleep for more than an hour, groggy for about a day, and just today am able to eat pasta. Good thing too- That's one of my main food groups.

I was selected to be Manager of 12 of my peers in our Workshop this semester. This is the capstone project of this program, and each team performs actual policy analysis work for an actual client. Hello opportunity, I'm Maria!! Our client is an organization called Patagonia Sur, and they want us to conduct a feasibility study to determine whether they should begin a REDD (a UN program, stands for Reducing Emissions from Deforestation and Degradation of Land) project in their lands in Patagonia, Chile. Here's a picture of Patagonia.

So I'm in charge of coordinating...everything. And it's so exciting and challenging. Surprisingly, especially based on last semester, I've been sleeping anyways!

Otherwise this semester hasn't really picked up yet. Still doing the internship...not doing enough job searching...ha! Job searching. Who has time for that? Not me!

Focus on the time you are in right now and don't try to be anywhere else. You will never be in the exact same place again, so learn as much as you can. If you have problems being strategic sometimes, like me, think about things you've done in the past that you don't want to repeat. And just make very small steps towards an idea, no matter how hazy, that will get you somewhere else. That is what I did to get here. I didn't ever say out loud, I can't do this. That part matters too.

I am rusty, as you can see. Too little razzmatazz in this post, and the insights are lite too. My creative energies are going elsewhere, such as to creating a Project Control Plan with 12 separate responsibilities and a calendar and ....a project that could help make the world a little bit better.

This is me today on the way to the post-op appointment. It's snowy and I can't smile because my lip got so swollen...it doesn't look swollen, but it's the gums, or something. They opened everything up!! Ick. Anyway I look more angsty than I am.

<3

It's that time again

This I believe

Read to me today by a yoga teacher:

I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing, or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. In each, it is the performance of a dedicated, precise set of acts, physical or intellectual, from which come shape of achievement, the sense of one’s being, the satisfaction of spirit. One becomes in some area an athlete of God. Practice means to perform over and over again, in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.

I don't eat/ I don't sleep/ I do nothing but think of you

"You keep me under your spell"

Maybe the ideal scenario is that these words would describe a love interest. But my love interest is too far away to be keeping me from eating or sleeping. Instead, classes and thoughts of exams are doing this. That's the worst kind of mindset to have when not sleeping or eating- worrying. But dreams are to come. If you care to know where these particular lyrics came from, I am currently obsessed with everything about the movie Drive (linking to clips from the soundtrack- the preview gives too much away, and I want you to see it.) I would love to think that the music is the perfect accompaniment to this post too.

Today, I got an internship with the Lenfest Center for Sustainable Energy at the Earth Institute. If there were a dream within the dream of coming to study in this program, (a dream which apparently, when realized, precludes other kinds of dreams. When our biggest dreams come true, do we always lose sleep over it?) it would be to combine those esteemed and respected words with "communications" on my resume. It's exciting. It's ten hours a week. I can handle that right? If a second dream can come true, I can start being able to sleep again,  right?

Making new connections is good for me. That picture above is of my city from the Hudson River last night- I went with some of the other people in my program on a cruise put on by the School of International and Public Affairs. It was fun.

I've taught myself what a derivative is, and what the relationship between a first and second derivative tells you about individual preferences toward risk, and all kinds of other microeconomics factoids in the last few weeks. There is still a lot I don't know. I am still freaked out by the fact that I'm being tested on Lagrange multipliers- I was so wrong that I didn't need to learn math in high school. LESSON: learn as much as you can, while you can. Sometimes your wildest dream requires calculus.

One of the programs I will work to support at the Lenfest Center is called PositiveFeedback, and one of their upcoming events is a "dating game" event between artists and scientists. The concept is to "set up" artists and scientists, to see what kinds of influences and projects result. It's going to be at The New School for Design in Manhattan. I know a few artists, some with decades of dedication to various crafts behind them, and some with just a few years, who would make great dates. Aunt Margaret, it's on Thursday, December 1st. Alison, I know you just came out here....

I'm exhausted. Let's see how this literal dreaming thing goes.

Let's hear it for New York

If you haven't been moved yet today by something simple and beautiful, there's this video of kids singing to firefighters.

I just got back to my apartment from spending the weekend in Tucson where my boyfriend lives. The Manhattan skyline was glowing so brightly against a very hazy dark sky as my bus crossed over from Queens that I thought the columns of light had been re-instated at ground zero. (I found out just now that they were- no wonder, the entire city was haloed with light. It would have been amazing if it had been a clear night, although I guess it's fitting. Ten years ago tonight the city was covered in dust and mourning.)

It is strange- on September 11, 2001, I was a sophomore in high school in Sacramento. I remember finding out in the morning before school, and being at the gym that evening and seeing the footage played over and over so many times that I just had to leave. And now I'm living in New York and coming home on this day. So even though my heart is out West, for right now, this city is my city.

I spent a good (technically long, though it didn't seem that way) weekend in Arizona- saw the boyfriend's digs, met a few of his friends, ate Mexican food, went bar-hopping and was dumbfounded by the prices. Three dollar drinks in a club at 11 on a Saturday...I couldn't believe it. On Saturday we took a drive to the top of Mt. Lemmon, overlooking all of Tucson and dotted with my favorite kind of pit stops- Geology Vista Points!

So now it's back to working hard at making the most I possibly can out of my experience in New York, and since I'm trusting the process, then this semester that means economics, statistics, career development, and policy design and management. Except for next weekend, when I'll be back on the M60 to La Guardia and heading to Reno for my cousin's wedding. Life's about family. (Sustainability, peace...they're really just about family too.) Investing in something that will go somewhere- that's what makes you happy.

Oh, summer joy

I am done. I am done today. With the first of three semesters at Columbia. I feel excitement, pride, amazement, and accomplishment. And a little like I am emerging from a tornado.

My cousin Alice is arriving at 10pm tonight and we are going to spend 7 amazing days having fun in NYC. I haven't had any days off since the 4th of July....I haven't had 17 days off for...I can't remember how long. I moved here from Sacramento less than 2 weeks after quitting my last job, so I feel like the last time I was totally free for so long was when I was in Peru in 2009. Then back home, then back here, then my friend Alison comes for Labor Day Weekend.

There really were times this semester when I doubted I could do what I had to do. But by the end I hardly felt the old stress at all- I knew that it would all get done. One of our professors told us early in the semester to strive for completion, not perfection- sometimes we did, but I actually think most of us wanted perfect scores, perfect lab grades, perfect feedback from our peers. We care that much.

I definitely learned to focus on what is due tomorrow (or today) and not think about how many things are due in the next 5 days. I came to value highly the experience and opinions of all my 63-odd classmates. I learned eating healthy is really expensive and that it's one of the hardest things to find time for. At the beginning of the semester I felt like my previous experience had given me really valuable benefits- now I feel like I've already learned and been through so much. I gave a final presentation today in Toxicology class playing the role of an EPA specialist, and it was great.

Now to celebrate- but first I have to do some dishes and laundry.

So awesome

I'm researching energy policy. For one course, it's a series of papers in memo form and my topic is the efficiency standard for vehicles in the US. Did you know that until 2007, the standards hadn't increased since the 1980s, due to the fact that Congress placed annual fiscal restrictions on the Highway Traffic Safety Administration, preventing it from addressing the issue? Did you care? Well, efficiency is a good thing, and it decreases our dependence on foreign oil and makes American cars more competitive in a global market.

I'm also working on an analysis of solar photovoltaics- New York is trying to fill in where the market has failed to build demand for solar energy.

Anyway, there is just something so much better about working seven days a week when you feel like you might actually use all these skills and topic knowledge in the future. I haven't been grocery shopping in 10 days, but at least it's for a good reason.

I'm going to dress up and take myself on a date tonight. I am going to the symphony at Lincoln Center. It's Bruckner's Symphony no. 8, and I got prime level seating ticket on Groupon.

Untitled

So, right now, I feel stressed out. But I know that I have barely seen the tip of this glacier. I have five courses this summer, three of which are over in six weeks and will be replaced by three more (for eight total). Class is three hours, split into two lectures, and the three accompanying labs are two and a half hours long.

I have two workshops- in one, myself and 11 classmates will be analyzing the New York Solar Industry Development and Jobs Act. For the summer and fall, this group will work with our advisor, who has been the director of the ESP MPA (get with the acronyms, people. You have no idea how many I'm facing...) program since its conception. He is also the Executive Director of The Earth Institute (the people who brought you the idea of plate tectonics. And the Millenium Development Goals). These are the big dogs.

Then there's me. Not to be the powerful and smart professional woman who deprecates herself, but on my first day, I dried off after my shower with a new pink towel from Target which left my completely enrobed in super-fine pink fuzz. Don't buy "color-safe" towels on sale from Target, because apparently the only way the color stays on is by coming off WITH the lint. ...I don't think anyone noticed. Some people were late to our first class, so I was far from the object of ridicule. (It kind of makes me feel affinity with one of my heroines, Elle Woods.)

I don't really have time to be writing this post. I don't have time to do anything. This is when it is most important to go to yoga. I went out into the (incredibly! wonderfully!) cooler air tonight, took the 1 to 66th Street, and went to my new yoga studio. And had a wonderful class that reminded me to breathe and have the courage to be gentle and the tenacity to let go. I came out and the city was dark and sparkling and I had a voicemail moving up a deadline .....breathe!!

My orientation on Tuesday was great- I teared up a few times because I was so struck by how this is so what I want to do...I DO want to become a problem-solving environmental professional who makes problems less bad (because you can never completely solve these problems) without creating worse ones, and I DO want to be able to explain science to non-scientists. I know I want to know this. It helps me to remember this when I am facing Avogadro's number again.

Also, what helps me would be your understanding. I at times am feeling so not-there for the people who I am used to being more-there for. I tell myself that this program demands an unprecedented level of effort from me...but does this excuse me from being present in the lives of the people I care most for?