So now

Now I am in LA. I've been here since the 31st, when I left Manhattan and arrived at LAX with my precisely 100 pounds of checked luggage (and at least another 75 pounds in my sneaky 3 carry-ons).

What have I been doing so far? Applying for jobs (1 so far this week, another slated for tomorrow), jumping and straining around in the boyfriend's studio apartment with the boyfriend to the accompaniment of P90X workout tapes (today will be day 6), taking lots (well, some) of pictures of the studio and neighborhood (and playing with Instagram, obviously). I read an excellent book about love, set in New York, that I found in a free books pile at 3am. Networking is big on the list, and I'm making good progress. But it's hard to not feel aimless when you're a recent grad without a job.

While I was in New York, I often felt like all I really wanted was to be able to live in the same place as the boyfriend, live together, have a job and normal lives with each other in them every day. I still want that, and obviously staying at home in this studio alone all day doesn't really qualify as having a normal life-- what's missing is the job for me. The fulfillment of working for a cause. But since I've come back I've been very aware of just how HUMAN it is to always feel as though something else, and it is always something, and it doesn't matter what it is, is that missing puzzle piece. This doesn't mean I'm not happy now. It just means that I think it's a little sad that we always feel something is missing. When do we ever feel happy with our lives exactly the way they are? I feel like as soon as the boyfriend and I are living in the same place, AND we both have jobs, AND we're healthy and can pay our bills, and so can the people we care about, AND we can get a puppy, AND I can travel again...then I'll be happy with my life exactly the way it is. ...until then, what? (And when that does happen, will something else become the puzzle piece? Probably.) And why shouldn't I be completely happy with a short vacation here with him?...

Always feeling "only if..." is no way to live.

So now I am going to vacuum, and work on my resume, and finish laundry, and get myself through the 'hood to the grocery store. The pizza plan for tonight is out due to oven-non-working-ness, so we need another option. I'm thinking fish tacos.