That moment you've been waiting for

Or series of moments.

That's what the Dean of SIPA said when the speeches were over and the hundreds of graduates were next up to walk across the stage. This was last Thursday, more than a week ago already. I have been thinking of all kinds of things that I should write about graduating.

Walking across the stage was exciting. I guess it's not surprising- the rest of the whole graduation thing is pretty much taken in stride except that solitary stride-handshake-and-pose. The various speakers did say things that resonated with me and that I remember still: that we didn't attend this school because we want to get rich and famous. That we are trained problem solvers, policy analysts, and managers... if I look back at the reason I attended the program, I know that was the goal. 

I've been comparing this program to how I've heard childbirth is-- it's painful, but as soon as it's over you just think about what the result was, and the bad parts fade. It's worth it. But I don't think I'll have another baby.

After graduation, we went for a picnic in Central Park:

The last two weeks have been filled with fun and family and friends. And New York. I've been to museums and memorials:

9/11 memorial

WTC 1

South Street Seaport

The Cloisters

 and plays:

4000 Miles. (I also saw War Horse tonight by myself)

 and sat in the park...watched Netflix...and eaten oh so much food. 

What's next for me? I go to LA next Thursday when my lease here in NYC is up. The boyfriend has an internship there for the summer, so I'll be applying for jobs there...From New York to New Work. It's probably going to be a weird and challenging transition. I need to create more wildest dreams.

Champagne before noon

Yesterday, two of the most significant and valuable experiences of this program came to a successful end, and were recognized.

In the morning, my workshop team had its final client briefing. I put an enormous amount of work into managing this team project-- I never once said, screw it. I never once gave up, stopped caring, or said it didn't matter. I cared and did my best every day. I really did lead this team to an amazing conclusion, and it feels amazing. It's so worth it. We provided clear and practical environmental and policy advice to a private conservation group in Patagonia...It was one of the biggest reasons this program has been such an amazing and invaluable experience. I brought champagne and gave a pink-themed presentation to my team about their awesomeness, complete with statistics about the project (Deadlines missed: 0. Emails sent: 450. Incidents of unproductive animosity: 0. Fucks that were given: Innumerable.) Then we had a fabulous lunch.

In the afternoon, the Earth Institute had a showcase for the interns and researchers who got funding this year-- my internship was paid for by their fund. I kind of went into a dream vortex when Jeff Sachs gave the introduction to a set of interviews with students working on climate change...and I was one of them. It was like, "Is this real life?" They are going to post the videos online soon...

Then, I went to the dentist and got myself matched with the right shade of tooth...in just over a week, I'll meet my right anterior lateral incisor for the first time ever! (By the way, dental implants are as weird as they sound. They surgically insert a hollow piece of metal, let your gums heal, uncap it, and screw in another piece of metal with a crown on it....wish me luck, and 80% acknowledgement goes to Obamacare.)

In the evening, I had a call in which what had been a potential job offer fell through...but good things are still in the works for me...and not even that could make the day a bad one.

My team and I after the Final program workshop briefing this Wednesday:

The whole bunch:

It takes so long

To tell you everything. Especially when it has been so long since I've told you anything.

So instead of doing nothing, I can only tell you about the things that move me:

And this:

Also, tell everyone you know that I am "an energetic environmental professional with proven effectiveness in complex project management and policy analysis, and a developed specialty communicating information within the government, non-profit, and private sectors." I'm quoting my resume. I have been focusing on energy policy, energy efficiency, and renewable energy in this program, and I know enough about the technical side of things that I can understand engineers (not all the time) and I see myself working within and learning more about energy generation and distribution to identify the areas that need more policy support.

Because you know how Homer Simpson called beer "the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems"? Energy is the same. The way we use it is the source of the biggest problem to ever face humans, and it's also the way we'll solve that problem.

I'm available May 18th. Because I graduate May 17th. Holy moly!!

Who has time?

Not me.

But I wanted to give you an update. I miss giving you updates. Unsolicited Sharing!

I had my dental implant surgery last Friday. I was asleep for more than an hour, groggy for about a day, and just today am able to eat pasta. Good thing too- That's one of my main food groups.

I was selected to be Manager of 12 of my peers in our Workshop this semester. This is the capstone project of this program, and each team performs actual policy analysis work for an actual client. Hello opportunity, I'm Maria!! Our client is an organization called Patagonia Sur, and they want us to conduct a feasibility study to determine whether they should begin a REDD (a UN program, stands for Reducing Emissions from Deforestation and Degradation of Land) project in their lands in Patagonia, Chile. Here's a picture of Patagonia.

So I'm in charge of coordinating...everything. And it's so exciting and challenging. Surprisingly, especially based on last semester, I've been sleeping anyways!

Otherwise this semester hasn't really picked up yet. Still doing the internship...not doing enough job searching...ha! Job searching. Who has time for that? Not me!

Focus on the time you are in right now and don't try to be anywhere else. You will never be in the exact same place again, so learn as much as you can. If you have problems being strategic sometimes, like me, think about things you've done in the past that you don't want to repeat. And just make very small steps towards an idea, no matter how hazy, that will get you somewhere else. That is what I did to get here. I didn't ever say out loud, I can't do this. That part matters too.

I am rusty, as you can see. Too little razzmatazz in this post, and the insights are lite too. My creative energies are going elsewhere, such as to creating a Project Control Plan with 12 separate responsibilities and a calendar and ....a project that could help make the world a little bit better.

This is me today on the way to the post-op appointment. It's snowy and I can't smile because my lip got so swollen...it doesn't look swollen, but it's the gums, or something. They opened everything up!! Ick. Anyway I look more angsty than I am.

<3

BEAUTY

There are no losers. There are only children.


Losers from Everynone on Vimeo.

From that first kid spearing broccoli, I saw nothing other than an adorable, sweet-seeming person. Show me a child that is a loser and...I'll show you a person who needs a character lesson from Dolly.

Because-



I should never complain. You should never complain. Not everyone is my mom, so maybe this will help inspire you, like it did me. The day we're born we start to die, don't waste one minute of this life! Quit whining. You will always have something negative going on, so you're wasting your life if you focus on it.

Dolly is like a pre-Lady Gaga Lady Gaga. Don't tell me her exuberantly re-engineered body isn't just as unsettling and provocative as this (if not more so- her artistic realization of what she's called "just a backwoods girl's idea of glam" is permanent. That kind of commitment is impressive.) :




Did you watch it? You should. As rock-pop songs go it's rich. Gaga and Dolly have a lot in common- song writing talent not the least.

We don't have to be rich and famous to be an example to ourselves and others.

Am I procrastinating by posting videos that inspire me, while also trying to write about fuel efficiency? NO- I'm just trying to do a little more.

Fuel efficiency is really interesting. Did you know that 14-25% of the gas you put in your car actually ends up moving your car down the road? The spark plug ignition internal combustion engine is one of the least efficient engines ever. Why is it dominant? Because energy used to be cheap. Well, it's not anymore. But the interests in power want to trick us into thinking that gas should continue to be cheap.

I used to think we were running out of oil. We're not- we've got plenty of oil and gas and especially coal. But it will be hard to extract, and expensive, and we can't afford to increase our greenhouse gas emissions by as much as using them would. Making things more efficient is the way to go.

Anyway, in other news, my parents are coming to visit in December! Family and friends in New York for the holidays? I have nothing to complain about.

In case

You ever think YOU don't have much counter space.

Happy Halloween!

From Lisbeth Salander

I'm in for it

Look:

And it's only October. I am planning to go out on Saturday for Halloween...I got a knee-length black puffy coat just in time. 

I am dressing up: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I fell in love with Lisbeth Salander of the Millenium series. She's one of my biggest onscreen inspirations. She's brilliant, fierce, and tenacious. She's been brutalized in every way possible but is not a victim. 

And when she's on trial, wrongly accused of being insane and sociopathic, this is how she walks into the courtroom:

Then she proceeds to calmly blast dragon-sized holes in the abusive lies brought against her (by corrupt secret government agencies protecting ex-Soviet informers, of course, being that this incredible character is the anchor to a thriller series.) It's incredibly satisfying to see this person face their tormentors bravely, justly, without changing anything about herself because of what other people think. She's a big girl's role model.  It's funny- the only other powerful mainstream female character that is a role model to me for the same reason is Elle Woods: 

Maybe next year! (Oooh- And maybe next year I will have a puppy too!)

Anyway, the sad thing for me is that my hair is too long to get it into a mohawk. I tried last night, using industrial grade products, and it's not happening. I could cut my hair. But then, it's supposed to snow and rain, and I'm going to bars in Brooklyn. So I might just wear the rest of the costume. Plus the coat. 

I don't eat/ I don't sleep/ I do nothing but think of you

"You keep me under your spell"

Maybe the ideal scenario is that these words would describe a love interest. But my love interest is too far away to be keeping me from eating or sleeping. Instead, classes and thoughts of exams are doing this. That's the worst kind of mindset to have when not sleeping or eating- worrying. But dreams are to come. If you care to know where these particular lyrics came from, I am currently obsessed with everything about the movie Drive (linking to clips from the soundtrack- the preview gives too much away, and I want you to see it.) I would love to think that the music is the perfect accompaniment to this post too.

Today, I got an internship with the Lenfest Center for Sustainable Energy at the Earth Institute. If there were a dream within the dream of coming to study in this program, (a dream which apparently, when realized, precludes other kinds of dreams. When our biggest dreams come true, do we always lose sleep over it?) it would be to combine those esteemed and respected words with "communications" on my resume. It's exciting. It's ten hours a week. I can handle that right? If a second dream can come true, I can start being able to sleep again,  right?

Making new connections is good for me. That picture above is of my city from the Hudson River last night- I went with some of the other people in my program on a cruise put on by the School of International and Public Affairs. It was fun.

I've taught myself what a derivative is, and what the relationship between a first and second derivative tells you about individual preferences toward risk, and all kinds of other microeconomics factoids in the last few weeks. There is still a lot I don't know. I am still freaked out by the fact that I'm being tested on Lagrange multipliers- I was so wrong that I didn't need to learn math in high school. LESSON: learn as much as you can, while you can. Sometimes your wildest dream requires calculus.

One of the programs I will work to support at the Lenfest Center is called PositiveFeedback, and one of their upcoming events is a "dating game" event between artists and scientists. The concept is to "set up" artists and scientists, to see what kinds of influences and projects result. It's going to be at The New School for Design in Manhattan. I know a few artists, some with decades of dedication to various crafts behind them, and some with just a few years, who would make great dates. Aunt Margaret, it's on Thursday, December 1st. Alison, I know you just came out here....

I'm exhausted. Let's see how this literal dreaming thing goes.

A defense of remembering

It's not sappy to linger over memorial special editions, remembrances, photographs and testimonials. It's not gratuitous, not a superfluous self-centered exercise in tear-jerking. I think we have a hard time getting over our feeling that it is because we don't know how to fit this behavior into our "normal" selves. But it's what we are supposed to do. We should take the time to actually reflect and remember September 11th.

I haven't ever experienced it this way- I remember that day more clearly than many days a decade ago, but it didn't truly hit me before I felt like this was my city. There are so many things I love about New York, the city that I got used to in about a minute, and the people per square mile make it what it is. It wouldn't be any of the things we love without them. Those people being attacked- being destroyed, for no fault of their own- it feels more personal now that I love the city. That day and the ones that followed were so horrible, worse than the worst nightmare but real.

A few things that made me remember, taught me something, and moved me:

A book of portraits of aging 9/11 rescue dogs, 10 years later.

A look at the now-open memorial at the World Trade Center site.

A crowd-sourced collection of the many different kinds of art that resulted from that day.

And, a few short video interviews and photographs with photographers --heroes as well-- that documented September 11th in New York. One simply ends with the photographer saying, "This is not a way to fight. This is something other than war."

Never forgetting means spending a little more time than is comfortable just remembering.

Oh, summer joy

I am done. I am done today. With the first of three semesters at Columbia. I feel excitement, pride, amazement, and accomplishment. And a little like I am emerging from a tornado.

My cousin Alice is arriving at 10pm tonight and we are going to spend 7 amazing days having fun in NYC. I haven't had any days off since the 4th of July....I haven't had 17 days off for...I can't remember how long. I moved here from Sacramento less than 2 weeks after quitting my last job, so I feel like the last time I was totally free for so long was when I was in Peru in 2009. Then back home, then back here, then my friend Alison comes for Labor Day Weekend.

There really were times this semester when I doubted I could do what I had to do. But by the end I hardly felt the old stress at all- I knew that it would all get done. One of our professors told us early in the semester to strive for completion, not perfection- sometimes we did, but I actually think most of us wanted perfect scores, perfect lab grades, perfect feedback from our peers. We care that much.

I definitely learned to focus on what is due tomorrow (or today) and not think about how many things are due in the next 5 days. I came to value highly the experience and opinions of all my 63-odd classmates. I learned eating healthy is really expensive and that it's one of the hardest things to find time for. At the beginning of the semester I felt like my previous experience had given me really valuable benefits- now I feel like I've already learned and been through so much. I gave a final presentation today in Toxicology class playing the role of an EPA specialist, and it was great.

Now to celebrate- but first I have to do some dishes and laundry.

So awesome

I'm researching energy policy. For one course, it's a series of papers in memo form and my topic is the efficiency standard for vehicles in the US. Did you know that until 2007, the standards hadn't increased since the 1980s, due to the fact that Congress placed annual fiscal restrictions on the Highway Traffic Safety Administration, preventing it from addressing the issue? Did you care? Well, efficiency is a good thing, and it decreases our dependence on foreign oil and makes American cars more competitive in a global market.

I'm also working on an analysis of solar photovoltaics- New York is trying to fill in where the market has failed to build demand for solar energy.

Anyway, there is just something so much better about working seven days a week when you feel like you might actually use all these skills and topic knowledge in the future. I haven't been grocery shopping in 10 days, but at least it's for a good reason.

I'm going to dress up and take myself on a date tonight. I am going to the symphony at Lincoln Center. It's Bruckner's Symphony no. 8, and I got prime level seating ticket on Groupon.

Untitled

So, right now, I feel stressed out. But I know that I have barely seen the tip of this glacier. I have five courses this summer, three of which are over in six weeks and will be replaced by three more (for eight total). Class is three hours, split into two lectures, and the three accompanying labs are two and a half hours long.

I have two workshops- in one, myself and 11 classmates will be analyzing the New York Solar Industry Development and Jobs Act. For the summer and fall, this group will work with our advisor, who has been the director of the ESP MPA (get with the acronyms, people. You have no idea how many I'm facing...) program since its conception. He is also the Executive Director of The Earth Institute (the people who brought you the idea of plate tectonics. And the Millenium Development Goals). These are the big dogs.

Then there's me. Not to be the powerful and smart professional woman who deprecates herself, but on my first day, I dried off after my shower with a new pink towel from Target which left my completely enrobed in super-fine pink fuzz. Don't buy "color-safe" towels on sale from Target, because apparently the only way the color stays on is by coming off WITH the lint. ...I don't think anyone noticed. Some people were late to our first class, so I was far from the object of ridicule. (It kind of makes me feel affinity with one of my heroines, Elle Woods.)

I don't really have time to be writing this post. I don't have time to do anything. This is when it is most important to go to yoga. I went out into the (incredibly! wonderfully!) cooler air tonight, took the 1 to 66th Street, and went to my new yoga studio. And had a wonderful class that reminded me to breathe and have the courage to be gentle and the tenacity to let go. I came out and the city was dark and sparkling and I had a voicemail moving up a deadline .....breathe!!

My orientation on Tuesday was great- I teared up a few times because I was so struck by how this is so what I want to do...I DO want to become a problem-solving environmental professional who makes problems less bad (because you can never completely solve these problems) without creating worse ones, and I DO want to be able to explain science to non-scientists. I know I want to know this. It helps me to remember this when I am facing Avogadro's number again.

Also, what helps me would be your understanding. I at times am feeling so not-there for the people who I am used to being more-there for. I tell myself that this program demands an unprecedented level of effort from me...but does this excuse me from being present in the lives of the people I care most for?

Giving happiness and gratitude (Or, How To Score A Bedroom Like This In NYC For $100 or Less)

.....BACKTRACK TO FRIDAY:

Stuck in my apartment waiting for my mattress.

There are a million free things on Craigslist, but not only can I not leave my apartment I don't have anyone to help me move things, and it's kind of drizzly.

Mattress arrives around 2pm. I soon embark (in the rain) on the 1 train up to the Bronx where there's a Target. I buy cheap sheets and a comforter, a lamp, some canned and nonperishable foods, and a carton of eggs because they're a dollar. Turns out, sheets and lamps and cans of food are heavy. On my way back-- it's only a block to the subway, and five blocks from the stop to my apartment, but still-- I have the unfortunate appearance of someone in need of a sherpa. (NYC Survival Tip: replace purse with LeSportsac weekender when running errands.) At least then it wasn't raining.

Later, my roommate tells me her friend who lives in the building is trying to get rid of her bed. I text her, go take a look, and though it's nice she wants $50 for it. But her roommate is getting rid of everything besides her bed for free! She offers to give me her tall dresser, her desk with drawers, a cupboard and a hutch, a bookcase, an entertainment center with shelves that she used for shoes (I will undoubtedly do the same), a computer chair, and two kitchen chairs! This is what you call freaking awesome, incredibly lucky, and extremely convenient.

The giving roommate agrees to text me when her stuff is ready to go, which happens at about 10:30pm. We move everything but the desk into my room, and she goes off to Panama. I fall asleep around 2am-- my new mattress is a little firm, plus despite all these improvements things don't quite feel like home yet.

TODAY:

I didn't eat anything yesterday besides yogurt and granola, some pasta, and a pita with hummus, so I took myself out to breakfast. Then, as I'm getting ready to go see Central Park and go look for a clock radio, a mirror, and a rug in thrift stores, the girl with the bed texts me. I can have it for free, just come now. So up I go. She and her dad help me move the bed, AND they get the heavy desk onto a dolly and move that in too. Feeling extremely appreciative for the significant ways people we likely won't ever see again help us, I reassemble the bed myself in five minutes, clean things up a bit, and then decide this warrants a sheets upgrade. The set from Target had a hole in it when I took it out of the package, and that just won't do.

After setting off for the Bronx only to learn the line isn't running above 168th St., taking the A train back to 125th (near me), and wasting 45 minutes, I walk to the Marshall's in Harlem. I pass the historic Apollo Theater which now has a Starbucks as one of its neighbors (hey, there's a McDonald's in the central sacred square in Cusco, Peru...it's literally built within four walls that were made by the Incas...so this isn't as bad, I guess). I walk home with Ralph Lauren sheets and three nice big pillows. This time I look just as encumbered as I did Friday, but I have a spring in my step: "HUAAAHHH Yeah That's right I'm BUFF!" (but really guys it's pillows in here....)

So there you go. $300 bed + $100 desk + $150 chair/dresser/shelves/bookcase (a $550 value, not including delivery) MINUS "Awesome fortunate appreciation-inspring good luck discount" + $380 mattress set + $70 bedding = $100. And I'm happy. As you see in the photo, I'm going to use the hutch as a storage bench. The How-To, I guess, is just to have initiative, and go with the flow, and be appreciative of the blessings you are given.

A few shots from the subway and around my block:

Day one and two and three

That's because today feels like two days. I left Sacramento at 6:15 pm PST yesterday, was in Salt Lake City until 12am CST, arrived in NYC this morning at 6am EST, and it feels like it's 8pm right now...I keep wondering why it's still light out.

It's strange of me to be typing away on a computer instead of out adventuring...I feel like if someone saw me right now they'd get the wrong impression of who I am. But I'm too tired. And Milad told me to take it easy- I do have 12 days still until my program starts. So I will buy sheets, and a MetroCard, and scrounge for furniture, tomorrow. The pickins' should be good on a Friday in May outside the freshman halls.

And it's a good motivator, too--writing things down before my fried brain forgets. I'm hoping to stay up til 8pm. I can't sleep on airplanes. Who was I kidding, "I'll take the red-eye, sleep on the plane!"? The girl next to me pulled out her tray table and just flopped over on it --Wham! I was in wonderment. Maybe she practiced in school? She made it look so easy, I was tempted to try it, but I just can't picture actually sleeping like that.

I arrived at JFK at six am. I called for a shuttle and when she asked me for the address, I blanked. I was planning to go to the housing office to sign my lease and get my keys. But I hadn't thought to write down the address. I just said "Uh... Columbia...?" like a freakin' rube. Then, when I searched my emails for it, I saw that I was supposed to have made an appointment, and brought two passport photos. Crap. I didn't know how I was going to to take care of that with tons of luggage in tow. I texted my new roommate and luckily she said I could just bring my stuff straight to the apartment first. (She's my soon-to-be-ex-roommate, too, since she graduated yesterday. So she was up still at 7am, not up already...)

Here's the picture I took when I arrived at my new home.

There's a doorman! And a laundry room.

My room, which looks out on a not-so-attractive courtyard (I can claim gritty city cred, though) :

The one main room:

My roommate's view is so much better. Her room's bigger too. A bit more street noise, but still, I think I'm going to try to request to switch rooms after she's gone (they're assigned). Looky:

So, this morning, after getting my lease, keys, and tour of the building from the super, I made my second venture outwards. I was on a mission: a new bed that I wouldn't have to assemble. I had been planning to go to IKEA, but that means more than an hour on the train, plus paying for delivery anyway, and then assembling it. So I walked 12 blocks (short ones- the north-south blocks are short and east-west ones are long), went into Sleepy's Broadway, and got a new, full-size mattress set at half price. Hooray! It won't come until tomorrow, so for tonight I think I'm sleeping on couch cushions. The roomie offered her air mattress, but she thinks the pump is at the bottom of the massive pile of junk in the spare closet. I dug for it until I encountered special presents from the rabbit she says used to live here. Couch cushions it is. Better than a tray table.

Guess what sorts of sights you encounter walking a few blocks on your way to buy a mattress in my new neighborhood?

That's the Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine, the largest cathedral in Christendom, and the diner from Seinfeld. (I trust you can tell which is which.)

Also, a tidbit that I give special significance: Last week, I cashed the savings bond bought for me at birth by a coworker of my dad's, who won the pool on the baby's birth date. It had almost doubled the face value and the last $20 bill I saved, to spend on my first day in New York. I bought a coffee, and a pub sandwich named "the Ivy League" which I ate on my way to buy my mattress. :) I like to think that's a cool way for that money to come around...

Another little instance that is making me feel good right now: the new roommate has the same dishes my old roommate Camilla did. (and the same messy/organized aesthetic, and the same type of foods) It's weird- here I am, moving into a new city, a new apartment--and these little things put me in mind of the last time I did that.

I think it bodes well.

Sometimes

I'll be trying to sleep, and the thought of living on the island of Manhattan returns to my mind, and my eyes just POP! open.

Like the idea is so big, so alive, that the energy of it flies right around and out of my brain.

The First Post About My Move to New York City

What, you didn't think I was done, did you? I've got to get my numbers up. Five posts? How will anyone ever take me seriously???

The Story About Columbia

I wanted it for years. I literally NEVER thought I would go to this program. I could tell you until I went hoarse how I really, seriously, honestly, only applied last November 1st because I knew that I had to do that application first, to get it out of my head, my heart, my system, and then move on to finding other grad programs. Other plans. I knew I had to do it--I was proud of myself for applying--I even convinced myself by the application date that I was perfect for the program. But I was not prepared to come home the day before Thanksgiving to an empty house, a Fedex envelope on the step, the glance at the return address that merely made me think "they don't Fedex rejections do they??" and then the crying that started as soon as I looked inside.

So here I am.

I have done essentially nothing so far to prepare for this move, other than squeal "New York!!" every time I see the city in a show or movie; I have received confirmation that I will get a housing offer from the university, but since I don't know when I'm moving, I don't know anything yet. Heck, it took me six months to write about it. I'm not worried though- For some reason, I feel like planning a trip to South America was a lot more of an undertaking than moving to New York City will be.

But I move to Manhattan by myself for at least a year in about 5 weeks.

I will miss people, and things. But for someone who lived a normal life in Sacramento, and worked and went to community college and transferred to San Diego and came back home and worked and then took a trip to Peru and then worked...It's the most exciting thing that I have ever made happen for myself.

So! What do I need, besides a backpack, a big puffy knee-length coat, and the restraint to keep myself from stopping at the top of the subway stairs and saying "Ooooooo look at the buildings!" (Just kidding, I know I am going to do that)? I already have the fancy MacBook Pro (thank you federal tax refund), the impractical purse, and loan applications nearing 100 grand.

This is an investment, right? A colleague and friend of mine, when once upon a time I shared my dreams of grandeur, said Columbia would be really hard to get into... "but a Master's degree from Columbia would be a really valuable thing." And I'm proud to say I think so, too. My head is worth it, and so is the Earth.