It's that time again

This I believe

Read to me today by a yoga teacher:

I believe that we learn by practice. Whether it means to learn to dance by practicing dancing, or to learn to live by practicing living, the principles are the same. In each, it is the performance of a dedicated, precise set of acts, physical or intellectual, from which come shape of achievement, the sense of one’s being, the satisfaction of spirit. One becomes in some area an athlete of God. Practice means to perform over and over again, in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired.

Family!

I will miss them this Thanksgiving.

Especially the chance to get another installment in this series:

Me and Gussy at June '09 reunion; this September at Other Red-Haired Cousin's wedding! <3

BEAUTY

There are no losers. There are only children.


Losers from Everynone on Vimeo.

From that first kid spearing broccoli, I saw nothing other than an adorable, sweet-seeming person. Show me a child that is a loser and...I'll show you a person who needs a character lesson from Dolly.

Because-



I should never complain. You should never complain. Not everyone is my mom, so maybe this will help inspire you, like it did me. The day we're born we start to die, don't waste one minute of this life! Quit whining. You will always have something negative going on, so you're wasting your life if you focus on it.

Dolly is like a pre-Lady Gaga Lady Gaga. Don't tell me her exuberantly re-engineered body isn't just as unsettling and provocative as this (if not more so- her artistic realization of what she's called "just a backwoods girl's idea of glam" is permanent. That kind of commitment is impressive.) :




Did you watch it? You should. As rock-pop songs go it's rich. Gaga and Dolly have a lot in common- song writing talent not the least.

We don't have to be rich and famous to be an example to ourselves and others.

Am I procrastinating by posting videos that inspire me, while also trying to write about fuel efficiency? NO- I'm just trying to do a little more.

Fuel efficiency is really interesting. Did you know that 14-25% of the gas you put in your car actually ends up moving your car down the road? The spark plug ignition internal combustion engine is one of the least efficient engines ever. Why is it dominant? Because energy used to be cheap. Well, it's not anymore. But the interests in power want to trick us into thinking that gas should continue to be cheap.

I used to think we were running out of oil. We're not- we've got plenty of oil and gas and especially coal. But it will be hard to extract, and expensive, and we can't afford to increase our greenhouse gas emissions by as much as using them would. Making things more efficient is the way to go.

Anyway, in other news, my parents are coming to visit in December! Family and friends in New York for the holidays? I have nothing to complain about.

Pictures

Of gin and juice at my favorite local restaurant, Community 

Of birthday dinner at home- early for me, late for my mom

Inside the beautiful new terminal at the Sacramento airport

In case

You ever think YOU don't have much counter space.

Happy Halloween!

From Lisbeth Salander

I'm in for it

Look:

And it's only October. I am planning to go out on Saturday for Halloween...I got a knee-length black puffy coat just in time. 

I am dressing up: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I fell in love with Lisbeth Salander of the Millenium series. She's one of my biggest onscreen inspirations. She's brilliant, fierce, and tenacious. She's been brutalized in every way possible but is not a victim. 

And when she's on trial, wrongly accused of being insane and sociopathic, this is how she walks into the courtroom:

Then she proceeds to calmly blast dragon-sized holes in the abusive lies brought against her (by corrupt secret government agencies protecting ex-Soviet informers, of course, being that this incredible character is the anchor to a thriller series.) It's incredibly satisfying to see this person face their tormentors bravely, justly, without changing anything about herself because of what other people think. She's a big girl's role model.  It's funny- the only other powerful mainstream female character that is a role model to me for the same reason is Elle Woods: 

Maybe next year! (Oooh- And maybe next year I will have a puppy too!)

Anyway, the sad thing for me is that my hair is too long to get it into a mohawk. I tried last night, using industrial grade products, and it's not happening. I could cut my hair. But then, it's supposed to snow and rain, and I'm going to bars in Brooklyn. So I might just wear the rest of the costume. Plus the coat. 

I don't eat/ I don't sleep/ I do nothing but think of you

"You keep me under your spell"

Maybe the ideal scenario is that these words would describe a love interest. But my love interest is too far away to be keeping me from eating or sleeping. Instead, classes and thoughts of exams are doing this. That's the worst kind of mindset to have when not sleeping or eating- worrying. But dreams are to come. If you care to know where these particular lyrics came from, I am currently obsessed with everything about the movie Drive (linking to clips from the soundtrack- the preview gives too much away, and I want you to see it.) I would love to think that the music is the perfect accompaniment to this post too.

Today, I got an internship with the Lenfest Center for Sustainable Energy at the Earth Institute. If there were a dream within the dream of coming to study in this program, (a dream which apparently, when realized, precludes other kinds of dreams. When our biggest dreams come true, do we always lose sleep over it?) it would be to combine those esteemed and respected words with "communications" on my resume. It's exciting. It's ten hours a week. I can handle that right? If a second dream can come true, I can start being able to sleep again,  right?

Making new connections is good for me. That picture above is of my city from the Hudson River last night- I went with some of the other people in my program on a cruise put on by the School of International and Public Affairs. It was fun.

I've taught myself what a derivative is, and what the relationship between a first and second derivative tells you about individual preferences toward risk, and all kinds of other microeconomics factoids in the last few weeks. There is still a lot I don't know. I am still freaked out by the fact that I'm being tested on Lagrange multipliers- I was so wrong that I didn't need to learn math in high school. LESSON: learn as much as you can, while you can. Sometimes your wildest dream requires calculus.

One of the programs I will work to support at the Lenfest Center is called PositiveFeedback, and one of their upcoming events is a "dating game" event between artists and scientists. The concept is to "set up" artists and scientists, to see what kinds of influences and projects result. It's going to be at The New School for Design in Manhattan. I know a few artists, some with decades of dedication to various crafts behind them, and some with just a few years, who would make great dates. Aunt Margaret, it's on Thursday, December 1st. Alison, I know you just came out here....

I'm exhausted. Let's see how this literal dreaming thing goes.

Dang it, and come visit me

Dang it refers to my reaction when I see that the trailer I linked to in the previous post didn't come through for those of you who smartly receive these via email. This is it.

Come visit me refers to the fact that my graduation date is Thursday May 17 2012 at 11am EST, Columbia University New York NY! I finish school the week before, and will be in New York at least through the end of May. So you should come stay with me. Sister and her husband already have announced their intention to come for a week, so you might get more hot water in the shower if you don't stay at the same time. But there it is, an invitation for free room and free tour guide. Board won't be free, because we'll be going out for every meal...

My place is quite nice. You will like it. Some new art: framed posters of my friend Alison, the promos for the art-music-fashion event she was involved in this summer in Sacramento.

A bit of everything

When my plane came in for landing last weekend, late Sunday or rather, early Monday, the pilot came from the south into LaGuardia. The length of the island of Manhattan flashed by at increasing speed and decreasing height, and the dark of the darkness surrounding those millions of lights felt like a blessing. The rows of streets- when we got low enough, I could see all the way to the Hudson on the other side of the island-- made me feel, ironically, like a Western girl because they looked exactly the way straight crop rows look when you drive past them. Flashing past, radiating towards and away with always one pointing straight at you. Only they were yellow and red striped lanes, and there's something striking about tall buildings split into small blocks. It was the most incredible landing I ever had, and it was damn deserved after the worst travel weekend of my life. Friends don't let friends fly American Airlines.

This week I am: sick, stressed, hard-pressed for time. Also I have about 3 friends within 3,000 miles. I messed up a project and the director of my program didn't even let me finish the presentation before telling me so. Then, I turned it around into a (I think) success in 24 hours, but we'll see about that next Wednesday. Oh, Whine Whine Whine! (Wine?)

So I took a walk, had 2 sorbet bars and a veggie burger for dinner (no wine. I'm sick remember?). Then this trailer made me think, Screw this, all I want to do is read The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, which I never read, and I know hardly anything about the story other than It Is Not Intellectual Reading. ...I wonder why it calls to me now. Also, there is something universally attractive about the way the Lisbeth character is portrayed here- just someone different for mainstream audiences, someone strong and weak in ways we hardly ever see, someone whose motivations are different too. (I'm a fan of that.)

SO I am not beating myself up for not Going to Enough Career Fairs! Doing Enough Reading! Making Enough (any) People See the Awesome Maria! or anything else. I'm human and I need a break sometimes, so is everyone else in my program, and smack me the next time I even think I'm the only one who feels this way. I would be a robot if I could do a one-year Masters and never miss a beat or need a break.

I always feel bad for my boyfriend: if, as I assume, he reads these posts, he never gets any new material. He's the only person I talk to every day (though that's been off this week...time difference finally causing trouble) and he gets the same stuff here. Well then, a few new things: My Energy Policy professor is the former Minister of Energy of Portugal. Things are crazy on campus this week, because of all the UN activity- plenty of events as foreign dignitaries come to the city, and all the protestors that follow them. I'm too tired to think of anything else, and run the risk of just giving up on the entire post, so there's this: the boyfriend, the crazy smart sweetheart, found out today that he's a recipient of the Brown Scholarship. Here's $10,000, NBD. And it's only appropriate that that is at the end of the blog post, because it was at the end of the phone conversation too---after I told him all this stuff above.

A defense of remembering

It's not sappy to linger over memorial special editions, remembrances, photographs and testimonials. It's not gratuitous, not a superfluous self-centered exercise in tear-jerking. I think we have a hard time getting over our feeling that it is because we don't know how to fit this behavior into our "normal" selves. But it's what we are supposed to do. We should take the time to actually reflect and remember September 11th.

I haven't ever experienced it this way- I remember that day more clearly than many days a decade ago, but it didn't truly hit me before I felt like this was my city. There are so many things I love about New York, the city that I got used to in about a minute, and the people per square mile make it what it is. It wouldn't be any of the things we love without them. Those people being attacked- being destroyed, for no fault of their own- it feels more personal now that I love the city. That day and the ones that followed were so horrible, worse than the worst nightmare but real.

A few things that made me remember, taught me something, and moved me:

A book of portraits of aging 9/11 rescue dogs, 10 years later.

A look at the now-open memorial at the World Trade Center site.

A crowd-sourced collection of the many different kinds of art that resulted from that day.

And, a few short video interviews and photographs with photographers --heroes as well-- that documented September 11th in New York. One simply ends with the photographer saying, "This is not a way to fight. This is something other than war."

Never forgetting means spending a little more time than is comfortable just remembering.

Let's hear it for New York

If you haven't been moved yet today by something simple and beautiful, there's this video of kids singing to firefighters.

I just got back to my apartment from spending the weekend in Tucson where my boyfriend lives. The Manhattan skyline was glowing so brightly against a very hazy dark sky as my bus crossed over from Queens that I thought the columns of light had been re-instated at ground zero. (I found out just now that they were- no wonder, the entire city was haloed with light. It would have been amazing if it had been a clear night, although I guess it's fitting. Ten years ago tonight the city was covered in dust and mourning.)

It is strange- on September 11, 2001, I was a sophomore in high school in Sacramento. I remember finding out in the morning before school, and being at the gym that evening and seeing the footage played over and over so many times that I just had to leave. And now I'm living in New York and coming home on this day. So even though my heart is out West, for right now, this city is my city.

I spent a good (technically long, though it didn't seem that way) weekend in Arizona- saw the boyfriend's digs, met a few of his friends, ate Mexican food, went bar-hopping and was dumbfounded by the prices. Three dollar drinks in a club at 11 on a Saturday...I couldn't believe it. On Saturday we took a drive to the top of Mt. Lemmon, overlooking all of Tucson and dotted with my favorite kind of pit stops- Geology Vista Points!

So now it's back to working hard at making the most I possibly can out of my experience in New York, and since I'm trusting the process, then this semester that means economics, statistics, career development, and policy design and management. Except for next weekend, when I'll be back on the M60 to La Guardia and heading to Reno for my cousin's wedding. Life's about family. (Sustainability, peace...they're really just about family too.) Investing in something that will go somewhere- that's what makes you happy.

Oh, summer joy

I am done. I am done today. With the first of three semesters at Columbia. I feel excitement, pride, amazement, and accomplishment. And a little like I am emerging from a tornado.

My cousin Alice is arriving at 10pm tonight and we are going to spend 7 amazing days having fun in NYC. I haven't had any days off since the 4th of July....I haven't had 17 days off for...I can't remember how long. I moved here from Sacramento less than 2 weeks after quitting my last job, so I feel like the last time I was totally free for so long was when I was in Peru in 2009. Then back home, then back here, then my friend Alison comes for Labor Day Weekend.

There really were times this semester when I doubted I could do what I had to do. But by the end I hardly felt the old stress at all- I knew that it would all get done. One of our professors told us early in the semester to strive for completion, not perfection- sometimes we did, but I actually think most of us wanted perfect scores, perfect lab grades, perfect feedback from our peers. We care that much.

I definitely learned to focus on what is due tomorrow (or today) and not think about how many things are due in the next 5 days. I came to value highly the experience and opinions of all my 63-odd classmates. I learned eating healthy is really expensive and that it's one of the hardest things to find time for. At the beginning of the semester I felt like my previous experience had given me really valuable benefits- now I feel like I've already learned and been through so much. I gave a final presentation today in Toxicology class playing the role of an EPA specialist, and it was great.

Now to celebrate- but first I have to do some dishes and laundry.

What is on my plate

Does it seem like a lot? Can't tell anymore.

Heat

New York is experiencing record temperatures this weekend. Not only that, but a fire at a sewage plant just up the Hudson River from Columbia resulted in sewage being dumped right into the river for four days. Excellent!

Not that anyone goes swimming in the Hudson. It's one of the largest Superfund (environmental cleanup) sites in the country, and before it was continually polluted by sewage, it was continually polluted by PCBs, courtesy of General Electric.

Also, I hardly have left my apartment since yesterday (just for a few hours today to go to school). My air conditioner works pretty well to cool the entire apartment, and I'm grateful for that.

My presentation analyzing the Solar Industry Development and Jobs Act is Wednesday. I'm waiting at this point for feedback from our advisor. It's pretty nervewracking. Plus, hydrology and toxicology classes started this week, labs are due Monday, and GIS (Geographic Information Systems-- data analysis using map software) class starts Monday. Because, oh yeah, environmental chemistry and climatology are over! I got a B+ in Climatology. I was hoping for an A...

If you would like to know what exact precise things made me happiest this week, they are my very own dear apartment, everything about this music video, and the exterminator who confirmed I do not have bedbugs which I was afraid caused my horrible terrible 2 day allergic itchy rash, which is now all better but of undetermined origin.

I miss you all.

So awesome

I'm researching energy policy. For one course, it's a series of papers in memo form and my topic is the efficiency standard for vehicles in the US. Did you know that until 2007, the standards hadn't increased since the 1980s, due to the fact that Congress placed annual fiscal restrictions on the Highway Traffic Safety Administration, preventing it from addressing the issue? Did you care? Well, efficiency is a good thing, and it decreases our dependence on foreign oil and makes American cars more competitive in a global market.

I'm also working on an analysis of solar photovoltaics- New York is trying to fill in where the market has failed to build demand for solar energy.

Anyway, there is just something so much better about working seven days a week when you feel like you might actually use all these skills and topic knowledge in the future. I haven't been grocery shopping in 10 days, but at least it's for a good reason.

I'm going to dress up and take myself on a date tonight. I am going to the symphony at Lincoln Center. It's Bruckner's Symphony no. 8, and I got prime level seating ticket on Groupon.

Quoting others

Makes blogging much faster.

On the scientific consensus about climate change:

"928 papers [in refereed journals between 1993 and 2003] were divided into six categories: explicit endorsement of the consensus position, evaluation of impacts, mitigation proposals, methods, paleoclimate analysis, and rejection of the consensus position. Of all the papers, 75% fell into the first three categories, either explicitly or implicitly accepting the consensus view; 25% dealt with methods or paleoclimate, taking no position on current anthropogenic climate change. Remarkably, none of the papers disagreed with the consensus position."
-Oreskes, N., 2004: The Scientific Consensus on Climate Change, Science, 306, 10.1126/science.1103618

"Most of the observed increase in global average temperatures since the mid-20th century is very likely due to the observed increase in anthropogenic GHG concentrations."
-IPCC, SPM, 2007

(anthropogenic means human-made or human-caused)

"The scientific consensus is far stronger today than at any time in the past. Here is the truth: The Earth is round; Saddam Hussein did not attack us on 9/11; Elvis is dead; Obama was born in the United States; and the climate crisis is real. "
- Al Gore, Rolling Stone, June 22nd, 2011

In some ways I hate to use a quote from Al Gore, since I know he's a divisive figure, and much as I tend to immediately discard anything Ann Coulter says, I know some people feel the same about him. He's right though. Below is a slide from this morning's final Climatology lecture, showing the climate models that have the best current knowledge about how climate systems operate. Without accounting for anthropogenic factors, natural factor models (blue) can't even come close to observed temperatures in the last 50 years- you have to account for natural and anthropogenic factors together (orange) to do so.

My professor also published a paper about the "Snowpocalypse" events in recent Northeast winters, showing they were the worst winters in something like 500 years- it has to do with polar fronts and changing circulation strengths...or something...I have studying to do before next Monday's final...anyway I have freezing my butt off to look forward to this winter.

Because for now, it's insanely hot. I had my AC unit installed yesterday after being here for almost 2 months. After being in my room for an hour, walking into the kitchen was like walking into a sauna.

So yes, I think a lot about energy use implications, our living standards, our quality of life, and how temperatures on the planet will increase past 800,000 year records in this century. It's even more overwhelming than my schedule. In two weeks, I present on legislation in NY proposing to build a solar power market. Temperatures and pressures are increasing, in more ways than one.

Please note!

I gave out the wrong ZIP code (to those of you who have my address). It is 10027! Not 10025. I've received mail (thank you! <3) anyway, but figured I should set the record straight.

Survivalology

An organism is sometimes faced with a rapidly changing environment and must adapt to survive.

Recent observable behavior changes:

--Weather actually impacting decision making: pouring rain means no grocery shopping. In this way a person might be more in touch with nature in the city than in the suburbs.

--Crossing the street to get to the sunny side. This is a result of sunlight deprivation. Not just because I'm studying all the time, but because there's so little light in my apartment. It's always Cave-o'clock in here, and it's depressing. I'm compensating by ordering candles and strings of Christmas lights and other cheery items. In an interesting contrast to the above statement about being closer to nature, one of these cheery items was a wall decal of cherry branches. There's no light or life (other than me) within these walls. I have to order it online.

--I wondered if this program would force me to adapt to less than 7-8 hours of sleep a night. It hasn't. It won't. Nothing can.

Recent intellectual changes:

--The Coriolis force describes the apparent effect that the rotation of the planet has on the movement of the atmosphere. It is also the reason a hurricane can never form along the equator. And why storms rotate clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere and counterclockwise in the Northern Hemisphere.

--Thermohaline circulation (variations in temperature and saltiness makes oceans move the way they do) means the bottom of the Pacific is very old. Water there has been down there for 200-300 years.

--Imagine not knowing, for the first time in ten years, what a gallon of gas costs. I have been freed from that one kind of concern. At the same time, I have also been studying the environmental harm caused by extracting, transporting, refining, and combusting fossil fuels. And learning just how certain the best scientists in the world are that carbon dioxide must be causing global warming (or climate change, or global weirding, whatever you like). It’s Science.

I also find myself doing less yoga but being more present. I focus on each day and the things I must do, and the individual days fly by. My boyfriend comes to visit on Wednesday. Then we will see how good I am at balancing business and pleasure. Right now, though the midnight blogging may not give this impression, I am on track NOT to study or read or do lab assignments for the 4th of July weekend.

Because I won't change entirely. I won't evolve entirely away from direct language into corporate or scientific jargon, no matter how many workshops on science and management I attend. I will remain fabulous.

Tuesday was my only venture out of the Columbia area this week. My program organized a trip to the Staten Island Yankees (aka, not the "real" Yankees) game. It was my first time seeing the Manhattan skyline and the Statue of Liberty.

Sometimes, you don't care if your hair is frizzy. That's another behavioral/intellectual fabulous change. It's too humid here to care.

Surviving is important. thriving is elegant. ~Maya Angelou

Untitled

So, right now, I feel stressed out. But I know that I have barely seen the tip of this glacier. I have five courses this summer, three of which are over in six weeks and will be replaced by three more (for eight total). Class is three hours, split into two lectures, and the three accompanying labs are two and a half hours long.

I have two workshops- in one, myself and 11 classmates will be analyzing the New York Solar Industry Development and Jobs Act. For the summer and fall, this group will work with our advisor, who has been the director of the ESP MPA (get with the acronyms, people. You have no idea how many I'm facing...) program since its conception. He is also the Executive Director of The Earth Institute (the people who brought you the idea of plate tectonics. And the Millenium Development Goals). These are the big dogs.

Then there's me. Not to be the powerful and smart professional woman who deprecates herself, but on my first day, I dried off after my shower with a new pink towel from Target which left my completely enrobed in super-fine pink fuzz. Don't buy "color-safe" towels on sale from Target, because apparently the only way the color stays on is by coming off WITH the lint. ...I don't think anyone noticed. Some people were late to our first class, so I was far from the object of ridicule. (It kind of makes me feel affinity with one of my heroines, Elle Woods.)

I don't really have time to be writing this post. I don't have time to do anything. This is when it is most important to go to yoga. I went out into the (incredibly! wonderfully!) cooler air tonight, took the 1 to 66th Street, and went to my new yoga studio. And had a wonderful class that reminded me to breathe and have the courage to be gentle and the tenacity to let go. I came out and the city was dark and sparkling and I had a voicemail moving up a deadline .....breathe!!

My orientation on Tuesday was great- I teared up a few times because I was so struck by how this is so what I want to do...I DO want to become a problem-solving environmental professional who makes problems less bad (because you can never completely solve these problems) without creating worse ones, and I DO want to be able to explain science to non-scientists. I know I want to know this. It helps me to remember this when I am facing Avogadro's number again.

Also, what helps me would be your understanding. I at times am feeling so not-there for the people who I am used to being more-there for. I tell myself that this program demands an unprecedented level of effort from me...but does this excuse me from being present in the lives of the people I care most for?

Friends

I had lunch today with one of my oldest friends who is going to medical school in the Bronx. He took me to a noodle restaurant in the East Village.

Then I sat on the street outside a subway stop and talked on the phone with my friend Alison for the first time since I've been out here. A modeling photo shoot (relatively common here, the third I've seen) was taking place across the street.

Now, I sit at the restaurant below my apartment and enjoy a new friend - the book "The Imperfectionists" - and a couple older ones - gin with tonic.

~Via Blogger for Android Mobile Devices

Okay, this is scary

I can't remember what I did yesterday! (Just because I've been doing so much.)

But then Lady Gaga reminds me. Her new album came out yesterday and my favorite track, "Americano" just started playing. So, of course- I went to Times Square and bought the CD. I only buy CDs when I purposely and especially want to support the artist. I suppose that she doesn't need my money, but it's like voting- you do it to voice your beliefs, not because that one vote will matter.

I'm learning, however, that some of the reasons I started to love Lady Gaga - her brilliantly, shockingly different outfits and artistic choices- actually should be credited to the late fashion designer Alexander McQueen. Because TODAY I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and saw the exhibit of his work, Savage Beauty. Check out details on the exhibit on this page. Lady Gaga wore the middle outfit below in her Bad Romance video.

So part of why I love her was his art. (Her new song "The Fashion of His Love" is a tribute to McQueen) He was an artist whose medium happened to be fashion and the pieces of his art in the exhibit were incredibly beautiful. They made me feel reverent and inspired and happy. Seeing everything in person and up close gave me a real appreciation for the clothes- they're traditional and subversive, intricate and deconstructed, and thematically rich. He used porcupine quills, alligator heads, vulture skulls, feathers, mussel shells, human hair, mud, as well as leather, silk, and wool.

Alright, I don't know that anyone else who might read this is as interested in Alexander McQueen as I am. So enough of that. After leaving the Met (NYC Survival Tip: Admission prices at the Met are recommendations. You pay what you can) and eating my responsible little packed lunch on the steps, I took a walking tour of Central Park courtesy of my friend Xandi. She gave me this little box that has cards, and each card is a guided walking tour of a part of the city. It's really great.

Events in my life transpired to give me 7 days in New York City with nothing I have to do. In my heart I feel an evolution that started when I moved to San Diego to go to college, continued when I went to Peru and saw Machu Picchu, and has brought me here. I almost can't write that because it sounds like bragging. What I mean is, the first event felt like the first proof I could do things. The second event made me finally feel I could stop doing things just to prove I could (it was the biggest so-there to my doubts that I had) and do something bigger with that knowledge. And here I am. So when on the subway, or in my apartment, or any other place here, I have a sense of it being anticlimactic. One side of me goes, "OH MY GOD YOU MARIA ARE BUYING GROCERIES AT THE CORNER STORE IN NY OMG OMG OMG!!" Because living in Manhattan is admittedly incredible. But the other side of me in fact learned years ago that I could do anything I dreamed of, in time, so it says...."calm the heck down...stop being so shocked you can do incredible things." To achieve your highest purpose you may lose self-doubt and incredulity along the way.

Also, I am a relationship person. I am having a great time seeing the sights but I'm also alone all the time. So I know I would never choose a life like this over YOU people.

Me on the roof at the Met:

"When I'm on a mission/ I rebuke my condition/ If you're a strong female/ you don't need permission" -Lady Gaga, "Scheiße"

"I want to empower women. I want people to be afraid of the women I dress." -Alexander McQueen

Giving happiness and gratitude (Or, How To Score A Bedroom Like This In NYC For $100 or Less)

.....BACKTRACK TO FRIDAY:

Stuck in my apartment waiting for my mattress.

There are a million free things on Craigslist, but not only can I not leave my apartment I don't have anyone to help me move things, and it's kind of drizzly.

Mattress arrives around 2pm. I soon embark (in the rain) on the 1 train up to the Bronx where there's a Target. I buy cheap sheets and a comforter, a lamp, some canned and nonperishable foods, and a carton of eggs because they're a dollar. Turns out, sheets and lamps and cans of food are heavy. On my way back-- it's only a block to the subway, and five blocks from the stop to my apartment, but still-- I have the unfortunate appearance of someone in need of a sherpa. (NYC Survival Tip: replace purse with LeSportsac weekender when running errands.) At least then it wasn't raining.

Later, my roommate tells me her friend who lives in the building is trying to get rid of her bed. I text her, go take a look, and though it's nice she wants $50 for it. But her roommate is getting rid of everything besides her bed for free! She offers to give me her tall dresser, her desk with drawers, a cupboard and a hutch, a bookcase, an entertainment center with shelves that she used for shoes (I will undoubtedly do the same), a computer chair, and two kitchen chairs! This is what you call freaking awesome, incredibly lucky, and extremely convenient.

The giving roommate agrees to text me when her stuff is ready to go, which happens at about 10:30pm. We move everything but the desk into my room, and she goes off to Panama. I fall asleep around 2am-- my new mattress is a little firm, plus despite all these improvements things don't quite feel like home yet.

TODAY:

I didn't eat anything yesterday besides yogurt and granola, some pasta, and a pita with hummus, so I took myself out to breakfast. Then, as I'm getting ready to go see Central Park and go look for a clock radio, a mirror, and a rug in thrift stores, the girl with the bed texts me. I can have it for free, just come now. So up I go. She and her dad help me move the bed, AND they get the heavy desk onto a dolly and move that in too. Feeling extremely appreciative for the significant ways people we likely won't ever see again help us, I reassemble the bed myself in five minutes, clean things up a bit, and then decide this warrants a sheets upgrade. The set from Target had a hole in it when I took it out of the package, and that just won't do.

After setting off for the Bronx only to learn the line isn't running above 168th St., taking the A train back to 125th (near me), and wasting 45 minutes, I walk to the Marshall's in Harlem. I pass the historic Apollo Theater which now has a Starbucks as one of its neighbors (hey, there's a McDonald's in the central sacred square in Cusco, Peru...it's literally built within four walls that were made by the Incas...so this isn't as bad, I guess). I walk home with Ralph Lauren sheets and three nice big pillows. This time I look just as encumbered as I did Friday, but I have a spring in my step: "HUAAAHHH Yeah That's right I'm BUFF!" (but really guys it's pillows in here....)

So there you go. $300 bed + $100 desk + $150 chair/dresser/shelves/bookcase (a $550 value, not including delivery) MINUS "Awesome fortunate appreciation-inspring good luck discount" + $380 mattress set + $70 bedding = $100. And I'm happy. As you see in the photo, I'm going to use the hutch as a storage bench. The How-To, I guess, is just to have initiative, and go with the flow, and be appreciative of the blessings you are given.

A few shots from the subway and around my block:

Day one and two and three

That's because today feels like two days. I left Sacramento at 6:15 pm PST yesterday, was in Salt Lake City until 12am CST, arrived in NYC this morning at 6am EST, and it feels like it's 8pm right now...I keep wondering why it's still light out.

It's strange of me to be typing away on a computer instead of out adventuring...I feel like if someone saw me right now they'd get the wrong impression of who I am. But I'm too tired. And Milad told me to take it easy- I do have 12 days still until my program starts. So I will buy sheets, and a MetroCard, and scrounge for furniture, tomorrow. The pickins' should be good on a Friday in May outside the freshman halls.

And it's a good motivator, too--writing things down before my fried brain forgets. I'm hoping to stay up til 8pm. I can't sleep on airplanes. Who was I kidding, "I'll take the red-eye, sleep on the plane!"? The girl next to me pulled out her tray table and just flopped over on it --Wham! I was in wonderment. Maybe she practiced in school? She made it look so easy, I was tempted to try it, but I just can't picture actually sleeping like that.

I arrived at JFK at six am. I called for a shuttle and when she asked me for the address, I blanked. I was planning to go to the housing office to sign my lease and get my keys. But I hadn't thought to write down the address. I just said "Uh... Columbia...?" like a freakin' rube. Then, when I searched my emails for it, I saw that I was supposed to have made an appointment, and brought two passport photos. Crap. I didn't know how I was going to to take care of that with tons of luggage in tow. I texted my new roommate and luckily she said I could just bring my stuff straight to the apartment first. (She's my soon-to-be-ex-roommate, too, since she graduated yesterday. So she was up still at 7am, not up already...)

Here's the picture I took when I arrived at my new home.

There's a doorman! And a laundry room.

My room, which looks out on a not-so-attractive courtyard (I can claim gritty city cred, though) :

The one main room:

My roommate's view is so much better. Her room's bigger too. A bit more street noise, but still, I think I'm going to try to request to switch rooms after she's gone (they're assigned). Looky:

So, this morning, after getting my lease, keys, and tour of the building from the super, I made my second venture outwards. I was on a mission: a new bed that I wouldn't have to assemble. I had been planning to go to IKEA, but that means more than an hour on the train, plus paying for delivery anyway, and then assembling it. So I walked 12 blocks (short ones- the north-south blocks are short and east-west ones are long), went into Sleepy's Broadway, and got a new, full-size mattress set at half price. Hooray! It won't come until tomorrow, so for tonight I think I'm sleeping on couch cushions. The roomie offered her air mattress, but she thinks the pump is at the bottom of the massive pile of junk in the spare closet. I dug for it until I encountered special presents from the rabbit she says used to live here. Couch cushions it is. Better than a tray table.

Guess what sorts of sights you encounter walking a few blocks on your way to buy a mattress in my new neighborhood?

That's the Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine, the largest cathedral in Christendom, and the diner from Seinfeld. (I trust you can tell which is which.)

Also, a tidbit that I give special significance: Last week, I cashed the savings bond bought for me at birth by a coworker of my dad's, who won the pool on the baby's birth date. It had almost doubled the face value and the last $20 bill I saved, to spend on my first day in New York. I bought a coffee, and a pub sandwich named "the Ivy League" which I ate on my way to buy my mattress. :) I like to think that's a cool way for that money to come around...

Another little instance that is making me feel good right now: the new roommate has the same dishes my old roommate Camilla did. (and the same messy/organized aesthetic, and the same type of foods) It's weird- here I am, moving into a new city, a new apartment--and these little things put me in mind of the last time I did that.

I think it bodes well.

On the edge of glory

New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of

There's nothin' you can't do
Now you're in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you
Let's hear it for New York, New York,
New York

We are also all on the edge of this.

Sometimes

I'll be trying to sleep, and the thought of living on the island of Manhattan returns to my mind, and my eyes just POP! open.

Like the idea is so big, so alive, that the energy of it flies right around and out of my brain.

Moving on

Tonight is my going-away party with work friends, friend friends, and family. Two weeks from today, I get on a plane for New York.

My first trip to NYC will be my move to NYC.

I'm excited, but I will miss this building. I'll bring along what it built for me, and the things I built for myself inside it :

Like Swiss cheese

Today is Easter. I came up to reno with my parents and my brother yesterday. We had dinner with my grandparents and then I hung out with my cousin Alice. She's moving, so I sort of helped, but we were tired so we ended up watching "It's Complicated," instead.

Change is tiring.

Then, today, we went to her half-sister's house for an awesome brunch. Alice's nephew's daughter had her first egg hunt. Then we packed up some more of her stuff...I contributed by organizing her costume collection. Then back to my aunt's for the family get together. My mom is the seventh out of 13 children, and most of them and their families still live in Reno. Holidays = trip to Reno. Except for my sister- Easter is a big deal for her church, so she stayed in Sacramento. Like Swiss cheese, it's very hol(e)y.

Here's my taciturn but mellowing grandpa, with their dog Paws:

It is dangerous

To show your brother your Blogger app.

I smell

Road trips

Usually a successful road trip signals compatibility, right? What does a trip from Sacramento to Los Angeles to Phoenix to Tucson and back to LA in four days, where you don't get on each others nerves, mean?

It means you should travel together more. Be tougher and more patient than you think you can be. And stop for no reason.

Didn't a wise woman once say, 'While traveling the road to Tucson, don't forget to stop to smell the cacti'?

The First Post About My Move to New York City

What, you didn't think I was done, did you? I've got to get my numbers up. Five posts? How will anyone ever take me seriously???

The Story About Columbia

I wanted it for years. I literally NEVER thought I would go to this program. I could tell you until I went hoarse how I really, seriously, honestly, only applied last November 1st because I knew that I had to do that application first, to get it out of my head, my heart, my system, and then move on to finding other grad programs. Other plans. I knew I had to do it--I was proud of myself for applying--I even convinced myself by the application date that I was perfect for the program. But I was not prepared to come home the day before Thanksgiving to an empty house, a Fedex envelope on the step, the glance at the return address that merely made me think "they don't Fedex rejections do they??" and then the crying that started as soon as I looked inside.

So here I am.

I have done essentially nothing so far to prepare for this move, other than squeal "New York!!" every time I see the city in a show or movie; I have received confirmation that I will get a housing offer from the university, but since I don't know when I'm moving, I don't know anything yet. Heck, it took me six months to write about it. I'm not worried though- For some reason, I feel like planning a trip to South America was a lot more of an undertaking than moving to New York City will be.

But I move to Manhattan by myself for at least a year in about 5 weeks.

I will miss people, and things. But for someone who lived a normal life in Sacramento, and worked and went to community college and transferred to San Diego and came back home and worked and then took a trip to Peru and then worked...It's the most exciting thing that I have ever made happen for myself.

So! What do I need, besides a backpack, a big puffy knee-length coat, and the restraint to keep myself from stopping at the top of the subway stairs and saying "Ooooooo look at the buildings!" (Just kidding, I know I am going to do that)? I already have the fancy MacBook Pro (thank you federal tax refund), the impractical purse, and loan applications nearing 100 grand.

This is an investment, right? A colleague and friend of mine, when once upon a time I shared my dreams of grandeur, said Columbia would be really hard to get into... "but a Master's degree from Columbia would be a really valuable thing." And I'm proud to say I think so, too. My head is worth it, and so is the Earth.

Missing

I've been missing this little blog. Not rational, I suppose; I've been telling myself "you just started doing that, how can you feel so bad about not posting for a month?" But I have been. Other things I miss:

1 boyfriend

2 girl friends

3-5 yoga classes a week (although ironically I came straight home from work today partially so that I could write a post before I was too tired)

6+ People I haven't seen or heard from in way too long. (Usually I am the type not to mind too much when I fall out of contact with someone...but before, those someones were people I'd known from school or something...now, the people I haven't seen are ones who are very far away.)

21 teeth without ceramic brackets on them. (I got braces again in November, so that my front tooth will straighten up, so that I can get a dental implant next to it. It's not too terrible, I'm being whiny. See below a picture of me, yesterday, feeling wonderful and cute and like my insides had been twisted like a wrung-out towel--this happens to be a good feeling--, post yoga...and I was feeling like for once, I didn't feel ugly with braces on:

(Last week I spoke at a press conference at the Sacramento Capitol on behalf of the New America Foundation. Women with braces -and fabulous shoes- unite!)

I'm going to miss the boyfriend, the girlfriends, and the yoga place (Fusion Yoga Studio) when I move to New York in about a month. I won't miss the braces though, I'm bringin' those babies with me, unfortunately.

I apparently will never have a reason to miss parentheses. Is this a universal brace for my generation, or is it just me?

Try this at home, kids

Do you know one thing I think is great about yoga?

I see people doing crazy things, and can tell they do yoga too.

Like in the very cool, under-appreciated Shakira "She Wolf" video, which has lots of shots like this:

I don't just see this and think, ooo weird, or, ooo sexy. I think, ah-HA Shakira does yoga! (You also have the line in the song that goes, "The moon's my teacher/ And I'm her student.")

And like with Lady Gaga's infinitely, infinitely watchable Bad Romance video. I see this:

and I don't have to think dismally, Damn she is so skinny....how is she so skinny...they must be photoshopping this. I know she's doing uddiyana bandha, a yoga breath posture where you basically breathe out fully, pull your stomach inwards, and raise up your ribcage and your perineal floor (your 'down theya,' if you will). It's good to practice this in the 'umpire' position and engage the throat lock jalandhara banda - put your chin down to 'lock' the air out. Basically anyone can look like this- they just have to know how! And anyways, it's no secret that Lady Gaga does yoga- she's a self-described Bikram addict.

So that's why this is one thing I love about yoga. It makes me think yoga is geology of the body- you learn the rules of how and why things take a certain physical shape, and therefore you can better understand them when you see them. Strata for humans...metamorphic, not sedimentary...

In this posture, or asana, you can tell that I am practicing self-timer mode on my camera:

Everything at the surface

That's how I'm feeling today. And I guess it's the only way to be with a blog, unless you have an actual specific purpose for it. We all know I don't need one of those, right?

It is cool to see the stats from the blog. For a few reasons. While anyone (most people) who reads this from the US has anonymity, I can see that 2 pageviews came from Canada and 1 came from Poland.

And because of my limited fame and web dominance, I can know who these people are! I have a few friends in Canada who I met traveling in Peru. And that lone view from Poland? Ah- must be my BFF Iza!! We met because we were roomies in a hostel in South Beach last spring. We called each other "bff"... I think it started because she wanted to know what it meant when Americans said it...also now remembering telling her '90210' was the ZIP code where the people on the show lived... It's funny what doesn't translate.

Anyway, given the odds, I'm pretty sure that was her, and just seeing that made me think of her. Here's us having frozen yogurt, a year ago this month:

Why is it that the most powerful feelings of longing-- the ones that go, oh my god, that was so amazing, That was the best day/experience ever-- are for the times I have traveled, met people, and seen places i had never known before? Is it just because I have more pictures of those times than I do of the regular routine? Or is it because I am so happy in those pictures? (Maybe you have to look cute AND have a good memory of the experience to feel that way.)

Other reflections on my stats: By consensus, Google Chrome is the best browser. And, contrasting my feelings upon seeing views from Canada and Poland, I felt a little bummed when I realized no one from England had viewed it. Camilla! Hmph!

Here's Camilla:

(Hey dude, it's not my fault that this is the most flattering picture I have that isn't 3 years old. Visit meee!!)

She's my BFF too. We have a sort of weird history, technically-roommatesbestfriendsweirdconvolutedyearlongnotfriendsthenfriendsagain- and I haven't seen her since the day this pic was taken (the whole England thing) but I know I will always consider her my friend. It's interesting, I've known her since late 2006, and we don't really have any connections in common. My other friends don't know her, I don't know anyone else that's in her life. Just each other.

All right, who else can I call out for not reading my blog based on one single linking to Facebook? Where you at, Switzerland (my friend Isaline)? Sheesh.

No, really, where I was going before? My feelings about travel. They were brought up to the surface again today when I watched this video about "the boy Amelie" - a guy who flew to Europe to return a lost roll of film. He captures my feelings exactly, especially about the people you meet, through his honesty and openness. Traveling makes me aware of life itself; it consists of the experiences that make you realize how lucky and weird and coincidental everything that happens to you is. We forget it, but doing something random and adventurous makes us remember. You find yourself in a boat in a jungle, in a bus in the Andes, in some totally random person's condo over Miami because your hostel roommate met another Polish girl who hosts travelers via Couchsurfer and serves them delicious wine, and you go, wow, I am alive, and anything could happen tomorrow.

Which is what life... is.

(So sayeth the 25-year-old.)

So, before the hits to this blog go through the roof and crash Blogger's server, as they surely will any day now (I just gotta get Lady Gaga to tweet me), It was cool to see those first few pageviews. They brought up thoughts of the living I won't ever forget!

Below: This is Isaline, in Pisaq, a pueblo in the Sacred Valley in the Peruvian Andes. Two years ago this week we spent a week there learning Spanish.

Eerie/coincidental/100% honest update: just checked stats. I just got a page view from Switzerland!